Terri Blanchette offers a fresh perspective about the generational differences regarding the legacy of family belongings.

“Our kids don’t want our stuff.” – It’s said nearly as a mantra, with the rhythm and intonations of something that they were told to recite to bring peace. When, in fact, the idea carries a tone of distress and sad resignation. Every year, I deliver talks about how to preserve, digitize and protect all of the things that represent family or a small business history. Invariably – and I mean invariably – I hear this catchphrase by my audience. But this idea of one generation not wanting the items from a previous one is a half-truth.

In a quick internet survey, I discovered at least fifty articles circulating that reinforce the “fact” that parents have a lot of things, and their kids don’t want them. Heavy media hitters, such as Forbes and Business Insider, happily reinforce the notion. Other sources have varied the message by listing the top “most hated” items your kids don’t want; they boldly define both Gen X and Millennials as the hater generations. There is even one post that offers a way to “just say no” to your parents and another that acknowledges that your kids aren’t interested in your things (but then notes mid-century modern as an exception).

Part of what makes these articles only half-true is the incorrect clumping of what connotes “stuff.” The term today encompasses heirlooms, junk, knick-knacks, and items of historic significance – all together in one serving. Over the last five years, such disregard for distinction has brought a wave of confusion, anger, and sadness. This miscommunication will ultimately end with not only remorse, but a serious void in cultural history.

So, let’s first look at the realities involved. What is true?

The Reality of Lifestyle Choices

The first truth is that many younger generations no longer want large and heavy furniture that some now term as “Brown Stuff.” Instead, they want cleaner lines and a simpler style, which is a natural change in style sense. What was once considered a status piece (say the old china cabinet) has lost its importance. The same goes for the full set of china or any number of bric-a-brac. The purpose that these and other “collections” served have all changed to reflect the manner in which we live. Change is a fact of life. But what is causing distress with this particular change? Timing.

This issue of what to do with too much stuff has surfaced recently between generations for two reasons. First, there is an unprecedented number of people retiring and downsizing simultaneously from what is called the Boomer generation (i.e., people born between 1946 and 1964). Additionally, those within that lengthy timespan shared much of the same life values of previous generations, and there seemed no reason not to accept their parents’ heirlooms.

Secondly, there are deep emotional ties to materials that don’t seem to exist today. There was once the pride of ownership and achievement in attaining “good” things. That was the way in which success was often measured back in the day. To work hard toward attaining a desired large purchase was an important aspect of the purchase itself, and the excitement of attaining it was akin to the exhilaration of being a kid at the holidays getting that long-awaited item. Also, the objects that were passed along were imbued with a sense of continuity and a reverence – perhaps somewhat misplaced – around heritage and place in history that kept, and still keeps, those things around.

Today’s younger generation, as is true with each subsequent generation, is different. They are experiencing a resurgence of minimalism akin to that of the 1960s and 70s cultural movement. The more current definition for this practice centers on mindfulness and choosing to deliberately surround yourself with things, knowing that it will consume a part of your resources of time and space. So, the idea of being minimal is not only about decluttering, although that is often a natural result. Instead, it’s about priorities in life, of not being burdened down by “things” we encounter during our lives.

Add to that simpler lifestyle is the elimination of the delayed gratification effect. Waiting for a special occasion to purchase your heart’s desire is a dying tradition. We simply just go out and buy it. We don’t bother waiting for the holidays, birthdays, or weddings. Additionally, many items are considered disposable and made with quick consumption in mind. The cell phone industry is a prime example as it is sustained by the idea that people will throw out the perfectly good old for the shiny new.

Understanding that the catalyst for the current conflict between generations is a major cultural swing is important because it helps to take some of the personal hurt out of the equation. This is a lifestyle choice and not one of accepting or rejecting one’s heritage. It’s imperative that both sides understand the catalyst and accept each other’s vantage point in order to move things forward.

As for the younger generation, there is another reality. In my years of work, I have found that those younger than forty generally don’t feel the pull to guard their family history. They are at a time in life where they are busy focusing on the very real dramas of relationships, earning a living, caring for a young family, and so on. Who has time to consider the bigger picture of one’s place in the world? For most, it isn’t a conscious decision to turn their backs on their history, but rather a matter of priority.

Unpacking the Definition of “Stuff”

Now, let’s talk about the other half of the truth - what isn’t reality. It starts with definitions.

As previously mentioned, the word “stuff” is often used as a collective term of the items we have in our homes. Unfortunately, it usually carries with it a heavy and negative connotation and tends to be the equivalent of “junk.” More often than not, that isn’t too far off when describing most personal belongings. They are often mementos or talismans, holding our memories and help us mark our existence. On their own, these keepsakes aren’t necessarily relevant to the next generation.

Another word that has acquired an entirely different meaning, because it gets swept along with stuff, is “history.” Because older adults place history – that is to say their memories – into the things they own, history and stuff become interchangeable. Not only are the two words not synonymous, but they aren’t even codependent – except, perhaps, in our minds. History is a subset of the items we keep. While it can be part of the collection, it can and does stand alone. The memories we hold are ours regardless of what happens to that solid object.

The Inheritance Dilemma

So, what comes from working outside the realities of style and life choices, and the clarification of word meaning? For many parents, they see the refusal of the items (held on to as markers of their lives and those who came before) as a wholesale rejection of the importance and appreciation of those lives. On the other hand, children of Boomers feel smothered by the sheer volume of the materials as well as the desires and preferences of others older than themselves. In a world that now focuses on rethinking priorities and goals in life, there is a knee-jerk rejection of all the “stuff” being foisted upon them. The issue becomes very personal on both sides.

The bottom line for the older generations is that, no, your kids don’t want your junk. Things that you’ve held on to because it may come in handy someday or you just haven’t had time to dispose of it, is not what you should be leaving for the next generation to deal with. The younger crowd may not want all of the items you have collected; but the full truth, the part that gets left out, is that it doesn’t mean they don’t want the history – the stories – of those items. And the warning for the younger generations is to not reject everything off-hand as a gesture of spite or rebellion. You will undoubtedly regret it later – I know, trust me, I’ve seen it a lot.

One other significant and very destructive aspect worth mentioning about the “Kids Don’t Want Your Stuff” phrase is the laziness on the part of all family members. With the collective mind reaffirming that catchy idea, neither those who have “stuff” nor those who don’t want to inherit feel any compunction to actually sift through it all. The time to cull and consider items can easily feel overwhelming. Yet, those nuggets of shared family gold may never be preserved. It is much easier to blame circumstances than to take responsible action.

The net result is that the misunderstandings and the laziness – by both the old and young – that has been generated by the half-truth will ultimately create a void as subsequent generations; when in their forties and older, they will find they have hastily discarded things that never meant anything to them – until now.

Digital as a Family Solution

But there is good news thanks to technology. There are now many ways to keep, share, and enjoy history without holding on to an object. With some research and help from companies like TimeSorters, digitizing or finding a new home for historic items with cultural institutions who may want them, are very real options. Moreover, given the concerns for the environment and out of deference for the preferences of those who will carry history forward, it’s clear that finding alternatives to the idea of just keeping everything must be considered.

However, deciding what to keep isn’t about only those things that bring you joy as one organizing expert encourages. Rather, this is a different kind of prioritizing and considering – this is about finding and sharing the memories. Identify items that hold those stories. Not every physical object needs to represent history. And we cannot decide for another what object(s) hold those narratives. It’s a personal choice. That eccentric fish plate may hold fond memories much more than the glittering fine bone china serving set. And that’s how it should be.

Conclusion

While it is true that the younger generation doesn’t want all the things that older generations have held on to, that is only half of the truth. The best way to keep history alive happens by sharing memories and experiences, which sometimes are represented by the items we keep. Let subsequent generations know why some thing is important – whether it be to you personally, the family, or general history. If society is to avoid having an irreparable gap in our collective story, both young and old must tackle the "stuff", and the issues, together.

Terri Blanchette is a historian, writer, and heritage preservation specialist serving Virginia, Washington DC and Maryland. She provides talks, workshops, and writes for national history organizations. Her unique company, TimeSorters, LLC helps individuals and businesses capture, organize, preserve and protect those things that make up their unique histories. Terri can be reached at tblanchette@timesorters.com.

The Half-Truth Lies of “My Kids Don’t Want My Stuff”