Gift Your Loved Ones a Why

How many of you reading this have decided you want to pass down or bequeath specific items to your loved ones? Conversely, how many of you reading this hope to receive a special item or two from your family near or far?

Items big and small have value; sometimes that value is purely financial, and it is relatively easy to ascertain. Art, crystal, and jewelry quickly come to mind. Other times, the inherent value of an object is strictly sentimental or what I like to call ‘heart value.’ Objects with heart value may or may not have any financial value, but they often overflow with emotions, memories, and sentiments. For instance, my most cherished item is an old pair of hiking boots; completely worthless in the financial sense, but irreplaceable to me.

**Heather’s hiking boots. Heather’s Artifct of the boots and their full story can be read at** **https://artifcts.com/a/VKl11K60/asolo-hiking-boots** **Image courtesy of and copyright Heather Nickerson.**

So, what happens one day when all of these ‘things’ start moving around? Families downsize, mom goes on a de-cluttering spree, or maybe you’re left to sift through the estate of a dearly departed relative? Chances are you will be overwhelmed by the ‘stuff,’ and questioning the ‘why.’ Why did my loved one have this? What would they want me to do with this? Maybe even the most basic, what is this?

**Jade necklace that belonged to the author’s mother. Heather’s Artifct of the pendant and full story of its provenance can be read at** **https://artifcts.com/a/nXjxlWtD/jade-pendant** **Image courtesy of and copyright Heather Nickerson.**

I should know! I lived through this years ago after my mother passed away unexpectedly, and I was left to sort through 6,000 square feet of ‘stuff.’ What I would have given to know the details behind her most cherished objects, but sadly, the only person that could have told me the stories, or unlocked the histories hidden in plain sight was my mother, and she was no longer here. I was left to my own devices to try to sort out what was what, what we were going to keep, and what we were going to sell or donate.

It was no easy task. It did, however, force me to reassess my relationship with ‘stuff,’ and question what is the point of collecting ‘things,’ and holding on to them for years and years if no one else knows the story, the history, or even the ‘why.’

Dear readers, I’d like to introduce you to the powers of ‘why,’ and how gifting your loved ones a ‘why’ may be the most important gift you can bestow in your lifetime. Here they are, in no particular order:

1. BUILD CONNECTION

If you are going to bequeath your daughter a bronze horse sculpture as part of your last will and testament, you could at least tell her why! Why does it matter to you? Why do you think she’ll like it? Why are you giving it to her and not someone else?

Wills and estate plans, by nature, focus on the what (i.e., the bronze horse statue) and often neglect the why. And that’s if the will even references an itemized list of tangible assets! The reality, then, is that loved ones may act out of obligation to respect your wishes and hang onto the items you give them but with a tinge of disgruntled acceptance.

2. REDUCE CONFLICT

Imagine two people who feel equally attached to an object that once belonged to a deceased loved one. In the will, the object goes to one of those people. To squash any potential disappointment or misdirected anger at the recipient, the owner could share the why and explain the bond between the person and/or object and the recipient. Closure and reduction, if not outright avoidance of conflict, is another great gift of the why.

3. CREATE LASTING MEMORIES & LEGACY

Your loved ones want to remember you. But memory is fickle, and sometimes, that's your own doing. Did you make up three different versions of events as to how that painting came into your collection? Or maybe you forgot to tell the story as you thought no one would be interested? Set the record straight and document the story, history, and meaning behind the ‘stuff’ that you will be leaving behind or giving to others.

**Distinguished Service Award Heather received for her service in Afghanistan. Heather’s Artifct of the award and full story of its provenance can be read at** **https://artifcts.com/a/M6DLA5Fq/distinguished-service-award** **Image courtesy of and copyright Heather Nickerson.**

4. BE BETTER PREPARED

Jeff Greenwald, world traveler and author of 108 Beloved Objects has said, “When you are giving an object away, it motivates you to tell the story. Stories don’t take up much space at all.” So, start with a small list of items you value. Consider why you think those items are important, and why they mean something to you. Next, think about what you want to happen to them in the future. Gifting them to a loved one? Great! Tell them why. Connect the dots for them and share with them why you want them to have the item.

**Heather’s Louis Vuitton Brea Bag. Heather’s Artifct of the bag and full story of its provenance can be read at** **https://artifcts.com/a/sjxr97CT/louis-vuitton-brea-bag** **Image courtesy of and copyright Heather Nickerson.**

By considering who should get the items, you can decide whether to wait to give it away now or make it part of your estate. As you make these decisions, update your estate plan or otherwise document your wishes in a secure and shareable way. This is a simple way to pass along items, stories, and histories with the most meaning in your life to those who can most benefit.

in conclusion

Gifting a ‘why’ enables the next generation to understand and appreciate the ‘stuff’ that we hold dear. It ensures our stories, histories, and yes, even those eccentricities (I’m looking at you, horse sculpture!) are kept alive for years to come.

Heather Nickerson is the co-founder and CEO of Artifcts. She is an avid hiker, skier, baker, storyteller, and collector of memories. Prior to co-founding Artifcts Heather served as President of a private security company and authored a book on how to protect your privacy. She also served for nearly a decade as an intelligence analyst with the Central Intelligence Agency, including serving as a briefer in a war zone tour in Afghanistan.