I often incorporate inherited items in my home as a way to remember loved ones and share their stories. I have found creative ways to use them to add beauty to our home and for everyday use. Decorating my home in this way has become my personal style statement, and I'm grateful to have these things as a way to keep the memories and history alive.

Image courtesy of and copyright Karla Baker

A few years ago, I came to a place of recognizing that I was holding on to too many things. I was holding on so tight to the past, and it was keeping me from truly enjoying the present. My home was more than a collection of family pieces on display. I was hiding a hoarded pile of things I held on to because I believed that was the way to hold on to my loved ones. I realized what was hidden from others was an unhealthy distraction and a huge burden to me and everyone living in our home. I came to a place of finding balance, but it took some work to get there.

We've all heard about the benefits of decluttering, which has become a popular term in the last several years. It's not a one-size-fits-all lifestyle, but everything I've learned about letting go of things that aren't serving us has benefited my life and household.

I'm not a minimalist, but I have spent the time reading and watching documentaries that have inspired me to take a look at my own situation and surroundings. I was so inspired I completed my own 30-day challenge during this time and decluttered my home.

It was embarrassing, to say the least. I couldn't believe I was living with so much clutter and holding on to things that weren't doing anything but taking up space. I consider my house to be fairly clean and presentable, but digging deeper definitely told a different story.

Getting rid of clothes I didn't wear anymore or knick-knacks I no longer enjoyed wasn't so hard. The hard part was deciding what to do with things that had meaning to me but didn't serve a purpose.

Working Through the Grief

In 2012, I unexpectedly lost my Grandmother. She was seventy-three years old, lived a few blocks away, and was one of my closest friends. I confided in my Grandmother and usually called her first to share exciting news or seek advice. She was a wonderful and understanding person, with a listening ear and giving heart.

Looking back on the time just after her death, as we sorted through her things, I now realize I kept so many of them because it was an emotional struggle. I wasn't thinking clearly about where I would put everything or how I would use it. I thought if I let her things go, it would feel like I was letting her go.

Now that I'm on the outside of it, looking in, I can see I was responding in my grief. I understand how and why that happens. We don't always think clearly when we're grieving, and that's normal.

My response to the grief led to my Gramma's things being piled in this small section of our basement. Things that were "special" all piled together, lost in the rubble. A mountain of what I perceived as treasure. Now, I could let my Gramma live on with all the things I planned to do with her stuff, someday. Someday never really came for most of it.

I found a few things I could use, played some of her old records, and occasionally went to her sewing box to grab a safety pin or extra buttons if I needed them. But I still couldn't seem to find the strength to move this mountain.

I eventually found the strength to do it, though. Not because a few years had passed, and it got easier with time, as they say. It certainly did not. And having this pile of stuff sitting around wasn't making it any better like I believed it would in the beginning, as I was trying to navigate this loss.

I found the strength to face it because I took the time to read, to learn, to listen, and to assess my own life and what was really going on. I was gaining an understanding of how holding on to these things was having a negative impact on my life. It was exactly what my Grandmother would not have wanted for me.

The Process of Letting Go

My Gramma's sewing supplies made up the largest part of all this stuff. She was a skilled seamstress and created so many adorable outfits when I was a kid. I didn't want to let that part of her go. There were hundreds of spools of thread, tons of buttons, small furniture and storage boxes, and so many pieces of fabric and scissors. I don't think a classroom would have needed that many pairs of scissors.

There were also two sewing machines. They were identical. I mean, what was I going to do? Use the other one when I get tired of using the first one? They certainly didn't serve different purposes except to take up more space in the house.

I started to see how holding on to this stuff was so overwhelming. And I finally admitted it to myself- I didn't enjoy sewing and really didn't want to learn. There, I said it. I really had no desire. This stuff was just sitting there because I didn't want to let her go.

I lacked the desire to take on something that was on her heart to do, not on mine.

I decided it had to go.

I heard that my Gramma's church was preparing for their community yard sale. It was the perfect opportunity to let it go. When I arrived with all her sewing supplies (in addition to other things I was getting rid of), letting them go became an easier process than I had imagined.

As I came into the church office with the piles of sewing supplies, the secretary asked, "Would you mind if we donate your Grandmother's sewing supplies to our church sewing club? They make blankets for local senior centers and for newborn babies." There it was! That very moment felt like it was everything my Grandmother would have wanted for me and, most of all, for the community!

How perfect it had fallen into place. A group of ladies who loved to sew, operating at her church, and doing something kind for others in the community. And because my Gramma really poured her heart into the community, this was the very best way her things could be used to carry on the love and kindness she gave to so many.

A copper planter from the author’s grandfather, image courtesy of and copyright Karla Baker

It was just what my heart needed. I was still struggling when I was on the way to the church to donate these things. I believe it was a struggle at that point because it looked like letting go of these things was only for my benefit, and I wasn't fully settled on it just yet. Once I realized the benefit of letting it go would serve others who really needed it, it was no longer a struggle. It made perfect sense.

I left the church that day with a full heart. My Gramma would have been so happy about this.

I know my outcome wasn't usual and made it easier for me to let go. Because this experience was so positive, I would like to share some ideas on letting go of things that may have meaning but serve no purpose in your own life. It's easier to see when hindsight is 20/20. Had I known this feeling would come, I would have been more intentional about letting it go where it could serve others, long before I did.

Find a charity organization that means something to you or your loved one

How would you want it to be used? Could your loved one's belongings benefit others in need? What community organizations are important to you?

Maybe a family at the local shelter is starting over and needs furniture or housewares to prepare for the move to their next home. An animal shelter could probably use some extra blankets. Your local soup kitchen might need some baking pans or utensils. Find out if community centers, like the art center or a local youth organization, have a fundraiser or yard sale. There are so many possibilities!

Find something you are passionate about or something that was meaningful to your loved one. Find out how those things can benefit others and give to the organizations who put those benefits into action!

Give it to someone who would appreciate it (share the memories!)

Find family members, close friends, or neighbors to pass it along to, who will appreciate it and use it!

If you find that you never use those dishes like you thought you would, let them go. You might find someone else in the family who could use them, instead! They might make a wonderful gift to pass on to a family member who is getting married or when they move into their first place. I had a lot of things passed on to me when I bought my first home, and I'm still using and enjoying them!

Repurpose it

You don't have to part with everything, especially if it's something that's functional and serves a purpose.

The sewing cabinet inherited from the author’s grandmother with her record turntable, image courtesy of and copyright Karla Baker

I didn't want to part with my Gramma's sewing cabinet. It was a nice, solid piece of furniture that had some storage space. I decided to use it for my turntable and to store vinyl records inside. It's perfect for this purpose, and I enjoy using it. The mid-century cabinet fits the vibe in our family room, too!

Get real with yourself. What will be useful to you in the long run?

As hard as it may be, try to stay focused and recognize what's truly useful. I know it's hard to stay focused when we're caught up in our grief. Be patient with yourself and understand that it's okay to take some time before making these decisions if you need to.

A yellow ware bowl from the author’s great grandmother, image courtesy of and copyright Karla Baker

It's also good to remember to be gentle with yourself, let go of the guilt, and realize it's okay to let go of some things. Go through each item and keep the things you will actually use or will be to your benefit. There was no way I could keep all of my Grandmother's vinyl record collection, but I kept a few of her Christmas and jazz albums and still enjoy playing them. They bring back memories I had with her on Christmas day or songs that we sang together.

If you feel you will use a large bowl to serve food at family get-togethers, then keep it. If you know you won't ever use that floral vase that you never liked anyway, let it go. Just because your loved one liked an item doesn't mean you have to.

Putting it into practice

I have talked to my kids about why we shouldn't waste money on things we don't need or won't use. I have pointed out the things they said they really wanted, but wound up in a corner collecting dust. I realized I wasn't living by the example I was trying to teach them by holding on to all these things I had piled up in the basement.

I don't want our kids to feel they have to hold on to our things if they don't want to. If they can't use it or don't like it, I don't want them to feel guilty about letting it go. I think it's important to share the stories of the items we want to pass on and even create memories while using them, which might be important to them in the future. Piling a bunch of stuff up in a corner is not the way to do it. Leaving them a bunch of stuff to deal with and overwhelm them won't prove how much we loved them. It doesn't prove how much we love someone by holding on to things we won't use, either.

I hope you found this helpful, and it will encourage you to let go of the guilt and the things that are weighing you down. The process of grieving is normal, but it doesn't look the same for everyone. You might find it easier to let go soon after losing your loved one or much later, as I did. And that's okay, but I hope this will encourage you to let go of things before it becomes an overwhelming task and clutters your space- which isn't good for our mental or emotional well-being.

I found that the memories and the experiences I had with my Grandmother became easier to see when the clutter was cleared out and I wasn't looking for those things in a pile of stuff.

About Karla Baker:

Karla Baker is a writer, furniture restorer, lover of art and antiques, and creator of Antiquarian Journal. You can find Karla online at https://antiquarianjournal.com/ and on Instagram at @antiquarianjournal

Decluttering Through the Grief